The Musings of a Pressurized Student Studying for the IIT (!)

The title might come across as overly dramatic. You'll change your opinion if you live it. I have no qualms about my decisions, no regrets whatsoever. I chose to pursue science only because I liked it, and a tiny bit because half my recent predecessors chose to do the same. Come to think of it, the other half did pursue other things didn't they?

After being mauled by the gigantic syllabi and the barrage of tests for almost 2 years there are a couple of things I feel - a) I have learnt a lot (both literally and metaphorically), and b) fear, constant fear. Fear of what might some skeptics ask? They're just books after all, how can I live in fear of them? Well, I don't really live in fear of them as much as I live in the fear of the end of them, as at the end of them lies a test. A test compiled by some of the greatest yet most sadistic minds in this country. Greatest because they CAN make the test (and surprisingly, with completely satisfactory answers too !) and sadistic because they DO make the test. That's what I think anyway. And anyway, i don't care what others think. In my mind, I have a very clear image of them, one that probably every single one of us has seen one time or another, one image that comes second only to the image of God - 10 points if you guessed it right - it's the devil I'm talking about.

I stay up late, either studying or watching movies or studying while watching movies. But I can do none peacefully. Heck, I can't go 10 minutes without thinking about my future and how it all depends singularly (okay, maybe that's a tad bit too much) on one entrance exam which is taken simultaneously by lacs of others, like or unlike me. So I ask myself, why the IIT's? What's so special about it? The saddest part is I don't have a single answer, not even a slither of a clue to any of the questions that overload my mind. Sure, they're considered the best in India, and one of the best in the world. Sure they have the best faculty. Sure, they have the best placements. Sure, my life is "set" once I get past the test. But at what cost? We strive to get into the IIT's so that we're able enough to make the most complicated and fascinating machines in the world. By the end of the journey, we ourselves become perfect examples of machines, performing tasks mechanically, not asking why, just moving on with blinders attached by the side of our heads. Reminds me of the movie 'Kaminey' where Shahid Kapur was running ahead of stallions, wearing blinders on his head. Totally digressive though. That's what has happened to my concentration levels after such countless sleep-deprived nights.

There are people dying because of this pressure. Those guys up there don't care. They need to sift through the inconsequential masses and pick the crème de la crème. They don't give two hoots about the guy who just pulled the trigger, without even leaving a suicide note as he was too frustrated to bother. The just don't give a damn. Why should I, then? Well, don't have a choice to be honest.


So, the ultimate question is, "What can be done after complaining so much and feeling as if I've been conned for life?" The answer is an MCQ : a) H.C. Verma for Physics b) R.D.Sharma for Math c) D.C.Pandey for Chemistry d)Take a nap

After these musings, I'm guessing (b).

An Absolute End to the First Phase of My Life

Today was an end to the greatest journey I have ever made, a journey with the most companions ever, a journey with the greatest moments to cherish, a journey no less than life itself. Today was my farewell, a goodbye offered by my juniors to me, and all my friends.


The day started in a rather mundane manner, not special in any way whatsoever. Waking up at 6 has become a habit and today I broke this habit by going one further and waking 15 minutes earlier than my alarm would wake me. When the alarm finally went off, I felt somewhat stupid thinking, "I'm not even going to take a bath, what the hell am I going to do for an hour ?!" My faithful and constant partner betrayed me after a very, very long time. My television had nothing interesting on for the first time in eons( And by eons i mean about 16 hours). Roaming around the house, trying to find a window from where I could spot the sun rise, was quite an interesting study of the angles offered by my flat, although I don't remember spotting anything even remotely shiny. Dense Fog covered everything.

I went back to my room, contemplating what can be done to make my dull morning more interesting. I called up a couple of my friends, arranged to meet them at the Gariahat-Rashbehari Ave. crossing at precisely 7.15 am. One of them ditched me saying there was some problem with his uniform and he would be late. The other was on time. Most surprisingly, I was on time too, and just in time to catch the same bus as my friend was in. I told him, "I'm all prepared to cry today, and I'm sure I will". He was unwilling to accept, giving me the wry look. I was convinced though, I was absolutely convinced.

Going back to school after weeks, and for the very last time, seeing the sleek renovations, I felt like I want to study in this institution all over again. And not necessarily in another life! I realized how tremendously lucky I have been all my life, having friends such as I do. There has never a lack of support, a lack of advice, a lack of help, something I can say with my chest inflated to two and a half times it's size. I love them.

We spent almost 3 hours hanging about the canteen, our Mecca. Stuffing myself like that was something I had totally forgotten, snatching food from my friends was a blurry memory until then. We were all so happy. So happy and satisfied. And then I was also treated to 18 balls of chocolate, out of which I donated 3 out of sheer compassion for my chums. The other 15 were bloody fulfilling.

The show itself was anything but spectacular. A couple of hastily compiled songs and speeches. A couple of videos which really did take us down memory lane. By the end of one them, I was quite literally shivering due to a major adrenaline rush. It was scary how nostalgic I was feeling back then. Somehow, I managed to fall asleep during the prayer and thankfully my over-intelligent African friend timely woke me up. And we were standing while praying. Honest.

Lunch was not an elaborate affair, as I had hoped it would be. I was in fact, saving my appetite for it. I had stolen coupons for dessert too, although I did return them, again out of sheer compassion for my chums. They say that a way to a man's heart is through his stomach. I guess that is why I didn't cry today, my stomach was deprived beyond repair.


Saying all that I have, I am satisfied. School is over. Phase One is complete. Phase two is months away. I can't wait. Perhaps I'll write this all over again someday. I can't wait.